Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Bears Baitin'

We wanted to let all our readers know aboo a horriboo, barbaroo practoo that is still going on in the MooSA! With all the coveroo of Bush being electoo presidoo (even though with the raf vote Stompy clearly won--but don't get us going on the systematoo disenfranchisemoo of Bears and look looks), many people missed that a referendoo passed in both Alaskoo and Maine that the practice of Bears Baitin' should remain legal.

We had to research exactly what Bears Baitin' was, and we found out that hunters who can't win a fair fight with a flesh-n-blood bear (even when the huntoo have guns and the flesh-n-blood bears are unarmed), want to make it even easier for themsoo by invitoo the bear to have something to eat, like jars of peanut butter, and then when the flesh-n-blood bear says, "Oh, thank you, that's quite kind of you. If I had known, I would have brought some pretty flowers, or an apple torte," and when the bear says that and walks over, the hunters shoot him while he is eating.

Now, how would you feel if someone invited you over for something you loved, like caaaandy, and then when you show up, they shoot you? It's both barbaroo and inhospitaboo.

So we ask you to join us in fighting this horriboo practoo. We are working on the public opinion and education front--here is a link to a pictoo of me (Stompy), Spike and Noel "Snowflake" Chompsky (wearing his pretty green Christmoo sweater) protestoo in solidaridoo with our flesh-n-blood bear brothers. And Blinky is scheduloo a trip to Maine to help organize our flesh-n-blood broo into an insurgencoo of Hunter Baitin'. His plan is to leave out six packs of beer and Playboy magazines, and then when the hunters bend over to pick them up, Blinky and the flesh-n-blood bears will sneak up behind them and shove all those jars of peanut butter they leave out up their butts. He thinks that will discouragoo their behavior.

This is Wolf "Stompy" Blitzoo reportoo from the front.

OK Bye

4 people left us caaaandy:

Blogger Jenn said...

It is important that we have you, Bears, to offer up the full story. Those Foxes apparently have their own news show, but I hear it isn't very good.

xoxo

6:16 PM  
Blogger Leone said...

'Alloo bears! Good on yoo for standing up for your broos! While Meow Spike is not a bear, he is a flesh-n-blood, so he feels very motivatoo to help the bears in Alaskoo and Maine. He has voluntoo to go to Alaskoo on yoo behoo and fight for the rights of the bears up there, aided with many jars of peanoo-buttoo and playgirl, since Northern British Columboo is closer to Alaskoo than Manhatten, but Bears, I worry for his safety. It is even colder in Alaskoo and Spike is addicted to the fooploo, and there may be confrontations with big scary huntoos, and Spike really doesn't socialize outside of... well, me. And between us, I think Spike will eat all the peanoo-buttoo the moment he is alone with the jars, which is bad for his little livoo. So Bears, what to do? Should I support his decision to go to Alaskoo or should I steer him towards a paw-signing lettoo campaign?

7:55 PM  
Blogger The Bears said...

Neyo Jenn!

We've never seen the Foxes News, but we're sure our news is better. Our news is fair and balancoo! Can the Foxes claim that?

Neyo Leone!

We don't want anything to happen to Spike the Cat or his livoo. Maybe he could work on the paw-signing lettoo campaign, or get a sign and have his pictoo posted joining in the protest. There are many ways to foo the goo foo.

And now that Spike the Cat is joining in, we have an Internationoo Movemoo!

OK Bye
Stompy

9:14 PM  
Blogger Coral said...

Perhaps we can refrain from the peanut butter ass-lovin' aspect of retribution, simply by sending secret agent chuck behind the enemy lines. Is he still a "secret" agent if I just gave his name away? Is this a secure site? I can't be posting on an unsecure sight bears... do I have to sign a waiver?
Regardless, although chuck has newly trimmed claws and a few teeth less, he could do some serious damage. He could gum a hunter to death, or walk on the counter in the campers and keep pushing things off the counter onto the floor (that's his bestest weapon). Atavan is willing to hawk loogies onto their camper floors in the hopes of an accidental slip and they crack their heads on the items chuck turfed on the ground. Hey, the cats here in pg are trying to help. GoBears!!

10:28 PM  

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