Thursday, November 11, 2004

Kitties Across Canadia

This is Wolf "Stompy" Blitzoo, back with more on our fast breakin' story concernoo the massive protests set off against Bears Baitin'. The movemoo to end Bears Baitin' has gone internationoo, as kitties across Canadia have joined in the protest. Spike the Cat has started a paw-signing lettoo campaign against Bears Baitin'. He was willing to go to Alaskoo to take on the hunters directly, but there was some fear he might eat too much peanut butter, and he's not supposed to be eatin' fatty foods because of his livoo.

Sargeant Mauja, recently of Canadia, but now living with us in Manhattoo, knew Spike the Cat directly. We go now to the sofa, where our own Spike the Bear is talking live with Sargeant Mauja.

Spike the Bear: Thank you, Stompy. I mean, Wolf. So, Sargeant Mauja, I understand you knew Spike the Cat. What insights can you share about him?

Sargeat Mauja: He bit my head.

Spike the Bear: Thank you for that fascinating view of Spike the Cat. Back to you, Stompy. I mean, Wolf.

Compelloo stuff. Thank you, Spike. Uh.... Spike the Bear, that is.

In addition to Spike the Cat's involvement, Chuck the Cat will be walking around counters in the hunters' headquartoo, knocking stuff onto the floor. And Ativan (also a cat) will be drooling on the floor, so the hunters slip and fall down.

If the Democratoo Partoo had the kind of strategoo planoo that these cats from Canadia exhibitoo, I'd be arguing that the rafs vote put me over the top of Kerry, not Bush.

Oh, let's cut to Papito for the Hispanic Bear perspectoo.

Papito: Que?

Uh, is Blinky back from Maine? I don't know what Papito is saying without a translatoo.

Spike the Bear: Blinky's on the bed. He hasn't gone to Maine.

I thought he was going to Maine, to foment insurrectoo.

Spike the Bear: He hasn't been able to get tickets yet, cause he can't find Jim's 'Merican 'Spress Card.


OK Bye
Wolf "Stompy" Blitzoo

19 people left us caaaandy:

Blogger Coral said...

Chuck and Atavan are concerned about the true extent of the Bears commitment to this cause. If it is true that there are bears intended to go to maine who re-maine on the bed, we fear the downfall of the movement before it begins. Also, does daphne-rose choose to be nonpartisan?

3:44 PM  
Blogger The Bears said...

I'm only on the bed because Jim hid his 'Merican 'Spress Card! Because the last time we found it we bought lots of caaaandy, and a digitoo cameroo so we could take pictoos of ourselves protestoo. We are all fully commited to the cause, as you can see from the dashing protest pictoo we linked to.

*sigh* I hope this isn't this going to end like so many movemoos for social change, breaking down into factionalism about whose commitmoo is greater.

OK Bye

6:05 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Together we can stop the injustice!

6:06 PM  
Blogger The Bears said...

I'm very much against Bears Baitin'.

Though, I can think of other things that might be fun with a rugged, macho hunter type...

Daphne Rose

6:07 PM  
Blogger julia said...

what did the bears have against bubba ho-tep? grand master zak binkus (kitty overlord) and the one whose name (loki) they dare not speak (evil minion) loved it!

kitties across Canadia may have to have a special resolution to re-examine our alliance after this recent information has come to light.

11:14 PM  
Blogger The Bears said...

We're startoo to understand how that whole Quebec leavoo Canadia thing comes up so often. You break up very quickly up there. First Coral says kitties are ready to leave the allioo because Blinky couldn't get to Maine fast enough, and now Julia says other kitties are ready to leave our allioo because we didn't make it through Bubba Ho-Tep. It seems Canadia must be based on a kind of rugged individualism, that quickly breaks down any larger social groupings Bears might form to bring about social change, like our movemoo to ban Bears Baitin'.

OK Bye

12:28 AM  
Blogger Coral said...

The kitties of Canadia wish to let the bears in on a little canadia secret,eh? Quebec wants to seperate because it's a cult. Like that was so hard to figure out. What a bunch of eastern hosers they can be. While us kitties are oot and aboot, they traipse around behind us getting all like "we're gonna make our own laws and stuff, but we get to use your monetary system". Us kitties are devoted to the bears cause dammit, but don't go bringing up sour grapes or rotten eggs,eh? Us feline/ursuline type creatures gotta stick it to the man, okay? You know the elmer fudd felt hat plaid wearin' oh so homophobic lookin' eats to much meat and has bad poo smellin' breath 'cause they need to go on a cleanse and clean out the works, and who really thinks they can avoid being smelled downwind by the bears when they got that funky reek going on anyways....what the heck was i saying? yeah i dunno. Go Bear solidarity...anti-baiting (as opposed to de-bating). I think it's late. I have to brush my teeth and go to bed. bye

2:56 AM  
Blogger Coral said...

Oh and by the way, none of the kitties actually threatened to leave the alliance, as we feel strongly about the issue. Is there perhaps some subterfuge at play? I think there may be an infiltration into the bear ranks. Are all those on the bed truly in on the cause? Who's the narc?Where's the narc, There's gotta be a narc narc.

3:00 AM  
Blogger julia said...

the faction of lokibinkusness would hereby like to declare the establishment of gaykittymeccaville. formerly known to the oppressors as 'vancouver'.

we will not be defeated.

gay kitties unite.
take back the allyways.

we will be blockading the lion's gate bridge next week. join us and you will be free.

the bears are free to attend our first convention/festival/orgy to resolve our alliance officially.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Coral said...

Dear Bears,
I was wondering if you would like to come for tea. I fear we may have stepped off on the wrong paw. I do not have any caaaandy per se, but I am more than willing to make some scrumdiliumptious chocolate chip cookies, along with beverage of choice (I assume tea is okay?)

I promise to put chuck in the bedroom until your visit is over. He can't handle all the bear goodness.

7:49 PM  
Blogger The Bears said...

*Much bouncing up and down of Bears* Oh, we'd love to come over for tea and chocoloo chip cookies.

And we'll bring the caaaandy (if we can find Jim's 'Merican 'Spress card).

OK Bye

12:20 AM  
Blogger julia said...

gay kitties and bears unite? yes? yes?

we've heard really good things about these 'bears'.
they'll be candy at the festival/convention/orgy.
AND we're enroute to Coral's!


9:26 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Ahhh, this explains why Chuck went running by with a huge curly rainbow ribbon this morning. I thought he was just on his usual destructo-run, but now I see he was making himself pretty for the partoo.

[eyebrow] This also explains why my good china was out on the counter. Chuck has a fear of the wine glasses, though, as his head got stuck in one yesterday.

1:41 PM  
Blogger julia said...

lokibinkusness would like to let everyone know that the convention overwhelmingly supported the resolution to support the bears in their struggle against bear baiting.

we have decided that gaykittymeccaville will be 'a bear baiting free zone'!!!!! we have added this to the 'nuclear weapons free zone' sign when you come into town.

lokibinkusness hopes this will encourage it's new friends to use that magic plastic card to come and visit soon. caaaaaandy!

(and all other kitties of canadia are invited. we hope gaykittymeccaville spreads throughout the land (except alberta).

5:16 PM  
Blogger The Bears said...

This gaykittymeccaville sounds like a wonderfoo place. We would love to visit you all there.

And we want to learn all aboo our new friends grand master zak binkus (kitty overlord) and lokibinkusness (whose name they dare not speak--evil minioo).

OK Bye

11:37 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Yes, gaykittymeccaville is a wonderful place. The best part for me is the amazing availability of affordable sushi. And Bears, sushi to me is like caaaandy to you.

Jim and Julia will both confirm that I eat it like caaaaandy. Three meals a day if possible.

*sigh* now I'm hungry.

12:31 PM  
Blogger julia said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:37 PM  
Blogger julia said...

i will confirm that you inhale sushi like candy.

although you shoulnd't inhale candy. especially not those little jel cups that are the same size of you windpipe.

2:38 PM  
Blogger Coral said...

Yeah, so don't inhale the jelly cups with the weirdo white solid chunk in the middle. I believe they have been taken off the shelves. Bears..have you seen Jen eat sushi? It truly is a sight to behold. What's really really super duper funny is when you take her to the buffet and there's some dude scoping out the same ship full of sushi that jen is and then he takes one salmon roll more than his share and Jen gets all excited like and makes her friends go up and take a roll for her on their plate so that she gets her share before they take the boat away 'cause it only gets replaced every twenty minutes. You haven't seen Jen funny until you've seen jen sushi funniness. Priceless I say. Truly Priceless.

8:18 PM  

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