Friday, February 04, 2005

Day Two of the OJ Caaaandy Trial

This is Wolf "Stompy" Blitzoo reportoo from insoo the courtroo on day two of the "OJ Caaaandy" Trial. The big issue of the day is whether or not the Bears have a big enough deep fryer.

Let's move immediately to a cross-examinatoo already in progroos.

Johnny “Blinky” Cochrane: So, the question has been raised whether the Bears even have a big enough fryer to fry Jim. And I say... If the deep fryer don’t fit, you must acquit. So, do the Bears in fact have a big enough deep fryer to fry Jim?

Expert Witness on Deep Fryers “Liam”: *sits silently on stand*

Johnny “Blinky” Cochrane: Well?

Expert Witness on Deep Fryers “Liam”: *sits silently on stand*

*much huddling around of Bears*

Stompy: I think with Liam you have to push his stomach to get him to talk.

Johnny “Blinky” Cochrane: Do the Bears have a big enough deep fryer to fry Jim?

*Blinky pushes Liam’s stomach*

Expert Witness on Deep Fryers “Liam”: Wild thing... You make my heart sing... You make everything... Groovy... Wild thing I think I love you.

Stompy: Uh... Can we get an animoo Bear to play the Expert Witness on Deep Fryers?

5 people left us caaaandy:

Blogger Leone said...

Detailing my background in the fast 'food' industry Bears, I thought I might drop you some hints just incase you decide to fry Jim. There are many types of oil in which to fry things (to achieve different crispiness) so for a human I would suggest a more lard based oil, they take longer to melt but the effects are better I think. As well, be careful while cleaning because if it spills it's a bitch to get out of floors (Jen may not help detailing you're frying her boy but maybe if you ask nicely). Cleaners for oil buildups can be very harmful to bears so make sure you wear good gloves! If you are using recycled oil you will want to strain it all first to get an even crispiness. Okay. Talk to you later!

4:02 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Dear Bears,

It seems that maybe Leone should be your expert witness on deep friers.

Although I'm not sure that I should be helping too much with this. Coral is right, I do have a weakness for things crispy - but as you know I've been trying to cut out all those types of food of late.

And - you know this - all the yoga.

5:57 PM  
Blogger allison said...

While all this information about deep frying is absolutely fascinating, I think it is my American duty to remind you that if Jim actually fries, his 'Merican 'Spress card will most certainly be cancelled due to member deceasage. That would certainly result in a distinct lack of caaaandy.

Perhaps we should refocus your effort to suing Jim for your very own 'Merican 'Spress card. Just imagine:

The Bears
A member since 2005.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Poor Bears. It seems like the odds may be stacked against you!

8:12 PM  
Blogger AdventureGirl said...

I think you should take Allison's advice. She's really smart and I also I just like: The Bears. A member since 2005. It would be a way better commercial than Robert DeNiro.

9:55 PM  

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