Whose Bear Is It Anyway?

Good evening and welcome to "Whose Bear Is It Anyway?"! Tonight's performers... He'll change the way you look at Bears, Wayne "Blinky" Brady. She'll change the way you look at carrots, Denny "Daphne Rose" Siegel. He'll change the way you look at Canadians, Colin "Mauja" Mochrie. And he'll change babies--for a price, Ryan "Spike" Stiles. I'm your host, Drew "Stompy" Carey. C'mon, let's have some fun! This is the show where everything's made up, and points don't matter. That's right, the points are like Jim's 'Merican 'Spress bill to a Bear.

Our first game is called, "Scenes from a Hat." Before the show, our audience gave us scenes to act out, and we've chosen the best ones. *pulls first scene from hat* "World's worst things to say on a job interview."

Denny "Daphne Rose" Siegel: Does your firewall allow porn sites in?

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZ*

Colin "Mauja" Mochrie: So, which ones are the really dimwitted bosses? You know, the ones who just sit around complaining about the column width on reports they don't read anyway.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZ*

Wayne "Blinky" Brady: The no drinking on premises rule just means in the morning, right?

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZ*

Ryan "Spike" Stiles: I took the liberty of finding out where your children go to school.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZ*

*pulls another scene from hat* "Worst excuses when Jim catches you with his 'Merican 'Spress Card."

Denny "Daphne Rose" Siegel: You should have seen what I was buying yesterday.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZ*

Colin "Mauja" Mochrie: I thought you bought the caaaandy maker.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZ*

Wayne "Blinky" Brady: Caaaandy is an investment.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZ*

1000 points for everyone.

And now, for hoedown! I'll need a subject...

Audience Members: ...Jim's 'Merican 'Spress... Deadwood... Swearing... Canadian kitties... rafs...

OK, I heard "Canadian kitties." Let's have the Canadian kitty hoedown!

Wayne "Blinky" Brady: *singing*
I like the water and I won't fret
I'll sit in the bathtub while my tail gets wet
But I don't like when Jenn screams and thunders
Just because I ran off with her unders.

Denny "Daphne Rose" Siegel: *singing*
I bite without judgement, I will not appease
I bite and I nibble and I hurt who I please
But if he hadn't left I'd bite him instead
Nothing tastes as good as Mauja's head

Colin "Mauja" Mochrie: *singing*
Gay kitty meccaville of Canada is open to all
Grandmaster Zak and Loki promise a ball
But I'll take Manhattan rather than there
Spike the Cat would have gnawed off my hair.

Ryan "Spike" Stiles: *singing*
We love the kitties and we love the rafs
We love the talks and we love the laughs
But whatever joys we around us bandy
There's nothing we love more than caaaandy!

1000 points for everyone, and 5000 points for Denny "Daphne Rose" Siegel.

Tonight's winners are Colin "Mauja" Mochrie and Denny "Daphne Rose" Siegel. They're going to read the credits in the style of two mimes. Good night, everyone!