Bears on Babies, Installmoo 7: Boy Parts

Stompy: Jenn got an ultrasoo today. She and Jim got to see Baby. And they found out that he has a brain, and is a boy.

Daphne Rose: That's not the part that makes it a boy.

Stompy: Yup, yup, a big old brain.

Daphne Rose: *sigh* Like our family was short on the boy perspective...

*curtain closes*


*Daphne Rose steps out*

The above was a presentation of Bears Theater. All of us Bears are thrilled to welcome Jenn and Jim's son to the family. We all just want a healthy Baby, with all of his parts in good working order.

And even some of the boy Bears realize that girl parts also include brains.

*much giggling of Bears from behind curtain*

susurrus - fiction by editors

susurrus's December issue collects work by editors of various publications they like. We Bears think it's a great idea to cross-promote some good publications, so we wanted to post the link here. susurrus publishes some really interesting work--it's a great market for experimental pieces of all genres.

And if anyone's interested, there's a short story of Jim's, Mogadishu, in the current editor's issue.

Jim's Back

Jim flew back to New York at the beginning of the month to visit his Mom, who is now living in a Nursing Home. She has Alzheimer's, so she isn't very responsive anymore. And she fell in September, so she isn't very mobile either, which is why she finally had to move into a Nursing Home to get the care she needs. All of us Bears send our best wishes to Jim's Mom, and to his Dad.

Jim is now back with Jenn, Chuck, Rupert and all of us Bears. We're glad to have him home.

OK Bye
Blinky

Bears on Babies, Installmoo 6: Between a Grape and a Tomato

Baby turns 10 weeks old tomorrow!

*much bouncing up and down of Bears*

Which means Baby is halfway between Baby's 8-week size (Grape) and Baby's 12-week size (Tomato).

Either way, Baby sounds quite refreshing!

*much clapping of paws and nodding of agreemoo of Bears*

*much moaning from nausea of Jenn in next room*

Or, you know, maybe not refreshing at all.

*much leaving behind a pickle and quietly sneaking away of Bears*

Bears on Babies, Installmoo 5: Baby's First Sheep Suit

The wonderful Nonny Mouse sent Baby his/her first Sheep Suit!

*much bouncing up and down of Bears*

And so, in the words of a noble tradition, we say to Baby, "Today you are a man! Or woman! Or sheep!"

*much clapping of paws of Bears*

Thank you, Nonny Mouse, from Jenn, Jim, Baby and All the Bears!

Bears on Babies, Installmoo 4: Halloween

Tomorrow Baby turns seven weeks. Which is perfect timing, because according to 3D Pregnancy, this means:

The skull is translucent, so the brain is visible.

Best. Halloween. Costume. Ever.

Bears on Babies, Installmoo 3: Heartboo

What has a heartbeat, but no heart?

A six week old baby.

What has a heart, but no heartbeat?

A vampire.

Which is Jenn having?

A baby.

At 6 weeks, Baby:

- Cannot be exposed to direct sunlight.

- Doesn't like garlic.

- Feeds on the life force of another.

OK Bye
Stompy and All the Bears

Bears on Babies, Installmoo 2: Morning Sickness

Jenn has been having morning sickness.

*many Bears hugs for Jenn*

The Bears think morning sickness is stoopid, and someone should put an end to it right awoo.

To help everyone understand morning sickness better, the Bears have researched primary sources to compile the best info available. According to Wikipoodioo:

There is insufficient evidence to pin down a single (or multiple) cause, but the leading theories for proximate causes include:

- An increase in the circulating level of the hormone estrogen. Estrogen levels may increase by up to a hundredfold during pregnancy.

- Low blood sugar during pregnancy.

- An increase in progesterone relaxes the muscles in the uterus, which prevents early childbirth, but may also relax the stomach and intestines, leading to excess stomach acids.

- An increase in human chorionic gonadotropin.

- An increase in sensitivity to odors, which overstimulates normal nausea triggers.

Daphne Rose blames morning sickness on the patriarchy, which forces women to conform to the phallogenic rhythms of artificial work and household schedules, rather than live in harmony with the natural rhythms of their pregnancy.

Sigmoond Freud says morning sickness is the result of the mother's loathing of her husband. The subconscious manifestation of this is a desire to abort the fetus through vomiting.

*much laughing of Bears*

That Sigmoond Freud says the funniest things. After he died, the world didn't see another stand-up comic of Freud's genius until Shecky Greene came along.

OK Bye
Stompy and all the Bears

Bears on Babies, Installment 1: Split Pea

As a publoo servoo, the Bears have decided to post helpful and interesting information about Baby's development, so everyone can play along at home with Jenn and Jim. This is Part 1 of "Bears on Babies," an ongoing series of informatoo posts on Baby.

At this point, Baby is about 5 weeks old. This means:

- Baby will be the size of a pea in about another week.

*much discussion of Bears*

- This means Baby is currently the size of a split pea.

- Baby has two layers of cells, which will develop into all of Baby's organs.

- Baby does not yet have a 'Merican Spress Card.

- We do believe Baby has internoo access, but at this point, only dial-up connectivity.

We will now try to MSN Baby.

The Bears: Hello, Baby! Can you read us?

Baby:

The Bears: Hello! Hello!

Baby:

There seem to still be some technical difficulties on Baby's side.

Hee!

Hee hee!

*much bouncing up and down of Aunt and Uncle Bears*

The Incident

This is Wolf "Stompy" Blitzoo reporting.

Recently, Rupert the kitty learned how to join Chuck on the bathroom counter by hopping first onto the closed toilet bowl lid, and then onto the back of the toilet, and finally up onto the counter surrounding the sink.

Earlier today, Chuck was on the bathroom counter, drinking water from the bathroom sink as he likes to do. Jim had just entered...

*tittering of Bears*

Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Bears.

As I was saying, Jim had just entered the bathroom, to, uh, well, do that thing.

*outright giggling of Bears*

Bears! Bears! I'll clear the newsroom if I have to.

Anyway, Jim raised the toilet bowl seat and lid.

*much rolling on the floor, laughing of Bears*

Stompy (shouting over racket): Rupert did a clean, if unintentional, dive into the toilet. Luckily, he was the first thing to hit the water, if you catch my meaning.

*much guffawing and stomping of feet of Bears*

Stompy (screaming to be heard): This is Wolf "Stompy"...

Oh never mind.

Vote for Chuck, Rupert and Mouse!

The Nonny Mouse posted an lolcat of Chuck and Rupert!

*much bouncing up and down of Bears*

You can see it here!

And while you're there, please vote it 5 stars so the kitties and
The Nonny Mouse can be famous, and get lots of perqs, like free tuna and free caaaandy (for their friends) and free Hugh Jackmans.

Thanks!

OK Bye
Stompy and All the Bears

Costa Rican Oxcart in Canadia

This is Wolf "Stompy" Blitzoo reporting. Today was an historic day. The Costa Rican Oxcart is up and running in Canadia!

*much clapping of paws and bouncing up and down of Bears*

Here's documentary footage of this historoo event!


First, Papito assembled the parts.




Then Papito assembled his crack team:




Occasionally he had to stand firm when helpers tried to sleep on the job:




But progress was made:




Safety was checked:




And the Costa Rican Oxcart made its historic first ride in Canadia:



*much ecstatic bouncing up and down of Bears*

*pause*

Uh, guys, is there an extra part there in the back?

Papito: No, Signor Stompy.

Blinky: Papito says, "No."

Right there. In the back. You can see it in that last photo.

Papito: Pienso que no, Signor Stompy.

Blinky: Papito says, "I'm fine. How are you?"

I'm fine, thank you for asking. But what about...

*much shushing of Bears*

Oh, yes, very well then. Great job, Papito! Thanks for all your help, Chuck and Rupert.

This is Wolf "Stompy" Blitzoo signing off.

Chuck's a Mom

So Chuck the Cat has been having a bit of trouble adjusting to living with Rupert the Kitty. Often when Chuck was doing his favorite things, like eating and sleeping and getting cuddles on the bed with Jenn and Jim, Rupert would run over and jump on Chuck, and then Chuck would just leave in a disappointed huff. So yesterday, Jim sat down with Chuck, and 'splained to him that it was okay to be more dominoo, and to set boundaries with Rupert. And today, Chuck's behavior totally changed!

We Bears were very much amazed. Nobody ever listened to Jim's advice befoo.

*much laughing of Bears*

Anyway, in his new dominoo role, today Chuck became an Alpha Mom. Just like a Momma Cat, Chuck started grabbing Rupert by the scruff of the neck



and carrying him aroo.



The first time Jenn, Jim and all of us Bears saw Chuck carry Rupert in by the neck, we all had the same thought.

Yes, that one.

But it was okay. Chuck is very gentle when picking up Rupert, and Rupert totally goes into submissive kitten mode.

Jenn said she had never seen a male cat do that before, so she called the Vet to make sure.

Jenn: So I called the Vet to make sure aboo Chuck's behavior.

Jim: You mean to see if he's gay?

*much making of disgusted noise by Jenn*

Jenn: No, to make sure it was safe, and Chuck wasn't going to hurt Rupert. The Vet said it was normal, and not to worry.

Jenn shared the story of Chuck's new motherhood with her Mom, making sure to tell her she had checked with the Vet.

Jenn's Mom: You mean to see if Chuck's gay?

*repeat of disgusted noise by Jenn*

We Bears all support Chuck in whatever lifestyle choices he makes. And we think he's shaping up to be a wonderfoo Mother.

OK Bye
Blinky